As reigning President of the Design Opposition Grassroots Movement of America, my job is to provide you with answers to this design “controversy.” My last interview [with PZ Squiddy of Uvula] had not been well-received by the atheist and evolutionist community. Some have accused me of being a Poe. Others have called me a “worthless […]
Category Archives: Funny
As current President of the Design Opposition Grassroots Movement of America, I just want to come out and say it: There’s no evidence for design, intelligent or otherwise. It simply doesn’t exist. It’s an idea based on ancient superstitions. And it’s just dumb. Stupid. Ignorant. Overwhlemingly boring. Idiotic. Moronic even. Unfortunately, stealth creationist groups like […]
Santy Claus Is Outsourcing! He’s gotta be. How else do we explain those pernicious little twisty ties that bind every toy to the box at the molecular level? Can we attribute this cruel packaging development to good-hearted, jolly ol’ Saint Nick? Doesn’t this seem more on par with some trick of Ol’ Scratch? Can a […]
At first, you’re optimistic. Hey, you’ve written before. It’s nothing new. You even like it. This won’t be so bad. It’ll be over before you know it. The pep talk does nothing to cover up the fact that you know you have writer’s block. You don’t have a clue what to write about. Your hand […]
My eldest son, an impossible clone of me with his mother’s eyes, the apple of my eye, the one who’s been taught good manners since the day he was born, the one whose dearest dream [at present] is to grow up, enobled, to be Spider-man, Iron Man or [eyes agleam with wonder, he breaths the words reverently] […]
Have a Happy Holiday, I said. I had purposely avoided saying Merry CHRISTmas because I’ve been told that I am somehow shoving my religion down everyone’s throat ever time I say Merry CHRISTmas. And far be it from me to play havoc with the mercurial beliefs of those weak-willed enough to convert based on a simple greeting. Honestly, […]
For those of you who were severely disappointed by the news that the Georgia Bigfoot, also known as the big Halloween costume shot at a tellingly odd angle and stuffed into a freezer, turned out to be a big hoax, we offer the following relief from cryptid fakery!
I don’t usually just provide links to other sites, but this is just too funny: Gnomes Rock! 10 Reasons Why. Enjoy, —Sirius Knott
When you work in the ticketing industry for a while, you get a sense of the ebb and flow of the business. Oh, at first, you’re overwhelmed, popping blood pressure pills like candy and clueless as a newborn babe. Yet all-too-soon, you find you can anticipate when the untimely call spike or torturous doldrums will […]
“Where the fat people clothes at?” I yelled one day to the utter horror of all of the other Wal-Mart shoppers. Especially those in the section I was looking for. I’m fat. It’s true. And it’s a problem for some people. Now I’m not as fat as some people. I’m not even as fat as […]
“YARD SALE!!!!!!!!!” With this single exclamation and an out-thrust finger, my wife has nearly caused quite a few wrecks and has engendered in me an acute fear of getting my eyeball poked out. She can’t help herself. It’s in her blood. And it’s in mine. I love a yard sale, whether you call it a […]
